So, even before I got pregnant, I noticed this disturbing trend of pregnant woman whose bellies were not their own anymore. Instead, strangers, family, friends - everyone - seemed to think that they had a right to cop a feel and rub the belly. Like it was a magic charm or something. I'd heard horror stories of friends being waylaid in the grocery stores by strangers (strangers! hello? Personal space?) moving in for a rub. Family members who just wouldn't ask anymore but just moved in. And the bigger they got - the worse it got. Friends who "just can't help themselves" and sneaked a quick rub.
Why does this bother me? I guess it is a couple of things. A lack of manners and courtesy in respecting personal space and boundaries for starters. I would never
dream of touching a stranger - much less their pregnant belly! Second, it just bugs when someone doesn't ask. How would they like it if I rubbed their tummy's back?
So far, I've managed to avoid this. The one person who wanted to touch my belly was 1) a female and 2) someone I knew already and 3) she asked PERMISSION first - so I let her. But last night, someone I don't know very well went made a move to go in and rub my belly and I grabbed their hand and turned it into a handshake instead. But, it got me to thinking about all this since I decidedly look more pregnant by now at 20 weeks. My husband and I are attending a wedding this weekend and I think it is going to be a minefield of people (many whom I have not seen in years) wanting to touch the belly. Ugh! My dear husband, looked up online how one can handle this social issue and left the suggestions up for me to read. But my thoughts are - why the heck has it even gotten this far that a pregnant woman has to make up some excuse like "oh I'm so ticklish, that is not a good idea" when someone invades her privacy and personal space like that? Shouldn't we as a society be condemning belly rubbers instead? Can't I just break their fingers instead?
Comments (3)
There is nothing cuter than a pregnant belly and last time I saw you were certainly a cute pregnant woman and you have a little miracle inside you that people are drawn to and want to share in because it is so amazing. Of course when babies are born it's usually hands off because of babies being so prone to illness and germs but a belly can't get sick. lol And even then babies sometimes suffer the same fate.
I didn't have a lot of issues because 1) I am not as protective of my personal space and 2) I was rarely around strangers. If someone wanted to "cop a feel" I usually would grab their hand and direct it before they got too close or I would preempt any issues by asking them if they would like to feel before they had a chance to ask. There were places on the belly that were baby and if I could direct them they wouldn't get near the squishy places that I am truly self conscious about. lol
I do agree more people should ask and strangers for sure should be at least a little more reserved but some people just can't help themselves. Babies are exciting! I know not a great excuse but in the excitement people can forget themselves.
@Michelle - For starters, thank you for the compliment of saying saying I am a cute pregnant chick. That has been my goal all along!
But even if you didn't have a problem with people coping a feel - don't you think this whole "I must have my share in this 'miracle' too!" thing has gotten out of hand? Literally! I know that I always asked you first when we discussed David moving around in you. You aren't outraged that a pregnant belly is not safe around strangers? Just out of principal?! I'm sure that in the excitement that people CAN forget themselves, as you suggest, but maybe they need a good dose of reality (and manners) to remember that it is not their place.
I wonder if it really has gotten out of hand. I wonder if in villages people were paraded past a pregnant woman to cop a feel for prosperity and good fortune? lol Maybe old habits die hard ;)
But really I couldn't be that outraged because I expected it and was ready for it and also to some extent my belly wasn't mine... it was David's. They didn't care so much about "my" belly as trying to connect with what was inside it.
Not asking is VERY impolite but it doesn't surprise me as lack of manners is prevalent in our society and sadly I have come to expect bad manners from people. I think society as a whole could use some etiqette training but people will be people.
I am more outraged by the fact that a lot of people don't wash their hands after using the bathroom!! lol At least belly groping comes from a good place. However, on that thought maybe you should make people wash their hands;) lol.
I was thinking about what I wrote and I do have personal space issues. I just had to put them aside because I knew what was coming. Also really what can they do? Yes it invades your space and it's rude but it doesn't cause damage. One of the instances I really had to consciously put my space issues aside was in Armando's class. Those kids knew I had a baby and would just stare at my belly. They just weren't sure where it was. I asked several girls if they wanted to feel the baby and they said yes and I directed their hands and told them what I thought they were feeling and they were amazed. I was really uncomfortable but maybe the teacher in me pushed past lol. They were cute when they admitted they thought I was just fat! lol. Darn kids and their honesty! Of course one of the parent's volunteered my belly for her child to touch with out asking me. I just took it in stride. She was excited and as I was excited about the pregnancy too it was ok with me.
So humanity (no surprises) is flawed. I figured just let them be excited and know that in a few months the new issue would be keeping them from touching the actual baby without washing their hands!! lol